"Do I believe..."

A week ago I was given the assignment to ask somebody to teach Elders Quorum, and to use the talk "Do I believe..." to use as the lesson.  I then went home, and it slipped my mind.  Sunday morning in EQ presidency meeting, the EQ President asked who I had assigned.  I remember I had neglected to assign it and I decided that I would teach it.

I then retired to my room and listened to the talk twice.  I had a hard time with this talk, and disagreed with the delivery a little.  To me this talk felt like it was promoting blind obedience, which I believe is wrong.  It felt like it was trying to discourage critical thinking, which I also disagree with.  When it states the claim that the LDS Church is the only true church on the face of the earth, I dont disagree, but I do believe it is not the only way to heaven, or the Celestial Kingdom. Christ taught: " I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6 and surely the LDS Church does not own rights to Jesus.  People of all walks of life can and have experienced him, and his love.  His atonement is for us all.

I believe that we should learn what we actually do believe in.  I think its important to know the church history, to know who we are, from whence we came.  Its important to learn from past mistakes to avoid making them again.  Its important (in my opinion) to know the good and the bad, so that we can weigh them together, and seek spiritual confirmation for ourselves and establish convictions of these things rather than settle with beliefs.  Also, I believe it is important for when we are faced with the bad in conversation, or links sent to us from people with bad intentions, we can already have a knowledge and opinion of such things.  If we hide all the ugly under the rug, when it comes out to a teenager who does not have knowledge, but just beliefs, it may be too heavy to handle.  There are gads of youth leaving the church because of such things.  It is an important issue.

I also disagreed slightly with her order of operations, she states "We have a knowledge of these things, but do we believe them?"  I felt it should be, "We have a belief of these things, but do we know them?" I agree it may be silly to debate this, because its practically saying the same thing.  I just always was taught that belief comes first, then confirmation, and knowledge.

I really did not know what to do, or how to teach this talk.  Part of me wanted to pretend a kid was sick and stay home, but then I didnt feel right about doing that to somebody.  I then realized I was being overly critical, and that I was looking at the talk wrong.  I listened a third time, and this time tried to have a different perspective. I looked for good things, things I agreed with and believed.  I did so, and there was a lot there.  I was actually a little surprised by the contrasting difference.  I decided to focus on these things and teach the lesson accordingly.

I planned on the lesson going like this:

• Talk about the claims of the Church.  Admit that I have had questions before, and that this is ok, that we should seek further light and knowledge and truth, and find out if you truly are converted.  Questions lead to study, which leads to answers.  Surely studying it out in doctrine / scripture is better than not questioning and just obeying or believing because thats what the Church claims. True conviction comes from study ("you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right" D&C 9:8)  You do the work, God gives you the answer.  We dont get something for nothing.  
• Talk about true conversion.  Focus on the story of King Benjamin's people and their change of heart.  What does "no more disposition to do evil" mean? 
• Talk about how to keep from Drifting, discus what drifting is.  "...Are we ever guilty of being complacent..."
• Bear Testimony

This is not quite how it went, however.  As I started the lesson, I admitted that I had a hard time with this talk.  Maybe this is where it all started to go downhill, because as I understand it, it made people feel rather defensive.  I was not out to get anybody, or to say the church was wrong.  This was not my intention.  I started to get into the first bullet point above, and then discussion started, and remained in this bullet point for most of the meeting, when I never meant for this to be the focal point of the lesson. 

I did try to promote discussion.  I addressed the fact that church history is not squeaky clean.  I addressed that because I felt its important to know about, have an opinion on / understanding of, for reasons I mentioned previously.  I then tried to illustrate that there are things that are just anti-Mormon, that is deceitful and malicious and full of lies and bitter people who are out to tear down a good thing.  There is plenty between the lesson manuals and that Anti-level however that is worth knowing about and learning from.  I labeled it as "controversial" because it is stuff that gets you to think critically, form an opinion on, and decide what you believe.  You can then ponder it, and take it to the Lord.

I think that the understanding some people had was that I was suggesting we read anti-Mormon literature.  This was not at all what I was saying and I tried to clarify as much.  Things that make us question and think in this controversial section to me are not anti-Mormon.  There is lots of facts in here.  Polygamy is controversial.  Blacks in the Priesthood is controversial.  In deep doctrine a lot is found that could be labeled as controversial.  Birth Control, second comforter, 'calling and election made sure' are all things that are considered controversial. Joseph Smith, Bruce R. McConkie, Hugh Nibley, John Pontious, and other great men often force you to delve into this controversial area to learn wisdom.  There is great value in it.  Surely there is much more value in the blue area than the yellow as illustrated above, but this is the weighing of the good and the bad that I talked about.  I  believe there is value in both.  The teachings of Prophets are often times uncomfortable and unpopular. Its supposed to be that way.  We are to stand out and not be part of Babylon. (or the world)

The comment was made near the end of the lesson "My mission president told us to avoid Anti-Mormon literature as if it was pornography" and I agree!  That red area should be avoided! Its malicious! 

The comment was then made "The Church is perfect but the members arent" which I countered with "The Gospel is perfect but the church is not."  This ruffled a few more feathers.  I believe this comment may have made people feel uneasy, but unfortunately it is true.  If the church were perfect, Christ would not need to come and set it back in order.  If the church were perfect, we would be living in a zion society.  All men would know Christ, and there would be no room for error.  The church is not perfect.  We as a people are under condemnation for rejecting the law of consecration.  That is in the scriptures.  We put all of our trust in the arm of the flesh, and dont focus on personal relationships with the savior nearly enough.  We allow others to do the work, and we lay back and live the easy gospel.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ was never meant to be easy.  It takes work, it takes study, it takes time invested daily in the scriptures.  A comment was made "We need to be reading the book of mormon every day." and I agree! "Every day, every day, every day!" 

I then stated that the church is run by men, who are imperfect by nature.  Mistakes are made from time to time.  Men are weak.  Men have opinions and beliefs that may from time to time vary with one another.  We are imperfect beings.  The comment came (rather loudly) "The Church IS perfect!" and at this point I sensed that people were really getting defensive here.  I tried to simmer it down, but people were on edge.  I guess people dont like to be challenged, they dont want their view of this perfect church to be altered.  

Cognitive Dissonance is a real psychological event that takes place in our brains.  When we hear or read something that agrees with or supports our beliefs we feel good.  When our beliefs are challenged, we are met with a resistance, a bad feeling, a conflict.  We then at this point must weigh the evidence, and decide based on evidence, or ignore evidence and choose which belief we will keep.  Faith definitely plays a part here as well. It is never easy to have a root belief challenged.  If you sincerely believe the church is perfect and find out that its not, that there have been mistakes, Prophets saying past Prophets were wrong, etc. then you feel this uneasiness.  I believe that this explains what these people were feeling.  I was trying to get them to be open minded and think critically as I believe this is important.

2 Nephi 28 reads: "21: ...others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell."

"24: wo be unto him that is at ease in Zion!"

I believe that this false security that the church is perfect is dangerous.  

There was some more commentary, and it went to and fro.  There was a short debate over wither going to the Mountains was an appropriate replacement of going to Church.  9/11 was brought up. Somebody shared that all of his acquaintances who took to learning deep doctrine ended up leaving the church over petty things.  I cannot accurately recall everything that was said and discussed, but there was some very off-topic discussion. I had little to no control over this.

In an attempt to get back on track and end the lesson with somewhat of a conclusion and hit the other points on my agenda, I read a few verses in Mosiah and closed with a quick testimony.  At this point I felt tension in the room.  Part of me feels I succeeded in getting people to think critically, and to maybe be a little more open minded.  I hoped to renew in them a desire to study and learn and know truth, and seek true conversion.  I fear, however, more people got caught up on their interpretations of what was said and did not allow themselves to leave defensive mode.  Some of the comments made were more at me trying to give me advice, suggesting I was off.  Some people said there is no value in study, that we are happy in the green area and we have a Prophet and that as long as we heed him we are ok.  I believe this is dangerous. I believe this attitude itself is not following the prophets.  We can receive confirmation and revelation just as Prophets do, and are commanded to do as much.

Joseph Smith said this: "A man is saved no faster than he gets knowledge, for if he does not get knowledge, he will be brought into captivity by some evil power in the other world."

 “God hath not revealed anything to Joseph, but what He will make known unto the Twelve, and even the least Saint may know all things as fast as he is able to bear them, for the day must come when no man need say to his neighbor, Know ye the Lord; for all shall know Him … from the least to the greatest"

I believe that being idle is dangerous.  I agree with the talk that we need to have the experience that King Benjamin's people had.  We need to have a mighty change of heart and no more disposition to do evil.  We need to wake up, and really have our feet planted on solid ground.  We need to be wise and have our house built on a sure foundation.  To do this, we need to realize that this really is all true! We really are in a probationary state to prove ourselves to God.  We really do need to know what we believe, and to KNOW through the spirit.  Great challenges are ahead.  We are in the last of the last days.  Our Prophets have told us as much.  We need to be spiritually ready, we need to know what we believe, and we need to know the Lord.  This is my testimony.

"I advise all to go on to perfection, and search deeper and deeper into the mysteries of godliness." - Joseph Smith

Learning to Trust the Lord

I wanted to post an analogy i read recently in a book called "What it means to know Christ" by George W Pace.

“The man of whom we speak in this analogy is representative of those who see themselves as quite bright, well educated, emotionally stable, doing well in a chosen vocation or profession and in general feel they have prospered according to their own genius. (Alma 30:17)

                Our Friend is challenged by an associate to run a thirty mile marathon which, if he does successfully between sunrise and sunset, will receive many prestigious honors.  However, this is no ordinary marathon for it covers an area where there are many different types of terrain- some gently rolling, some quite steep, (including a sizable mountain) plus an area dotted by swamp-land.  Although he is mindful that it will be a tremendous challenge, our friend doesn’t know that it is virtually impossible for any human being t successfully cover the distance prescribed within a day – he has accepted the challenge on good faith that it can be done.  His situation is somewhat akin to Adam and Eves predicament in the Garden of Eden where they were given the dual commandments to multiply and replenish the earth and were forbidden to partake of the tree of knowledge of good and evil- two commandments which simply could not be kept simultaneously.

                Having great confidence in his own ability plus enjoying a lot of spunk and determination (two ingredients that are good in and of themselves and so necessary to survive the challenges of mortality) he accepts the challenge and the following morning is ready at the crack of dawn for his great adventure.

                As the sun slips up over the eastern horizon, the starting gun is fired and he is on his way.  His optimism is high, as he runs swiftly over the gently rolling landscape – he’s convinced, in fact, because of the miles he covers in the first hour, that it will be quite easy to achieve his goal.  However, the terrain steepens and his pace slackens.  As he climbs higher on the mountain itself he is no longer running but struggles in a slow, laborious way to negotiate the steep cliffs.

                Eventually, after great effort, he reaches the summit and commences his descent down into the valley but he is deeply disturbed because it took him much longer to get to the summit than he hoped it would.  He makes good time, however, going down the mountain, and again feels confident that he can still reach his goal.  However, as he enters the valley he is troubled because he must now work his way across a sizable area of swampland.  He glances toward the sky and is disappointed that the sun has crossed well past the mid-point of its journey.  Now, more than ever, he must take great care to stay on solid ground and not step into areas where there very well could be treacherous quicksand.

                After spending some time carefully crossing the swamp, he again checks the position of the sun and is startled to realize he has only a few hours at most to reach his goal.  Having initially been very careful crossing the swamp, he becomes a little careless, even reckless as he hurries faster and faster.  Almost before he realizes what he has done, he finds himself walking on ground that appeared safe but is now quivering under his feet – he frantically reverses his direction to seek more stable footing but the ground gives way and he is caught in quicksand.

                Although he realizes his predicament is quite serious and he is somewhat angry to have used poor judgement in allowing himself to be trapped, because he has always been a man of great confidence and self-assurance, he is totally convinced he can remove himself from his predicament on the basis of his own power.  He calmly attempts to move his feet forward but to no avail.  He then vigorously attempts to thrash his legs but the faster and harder he tries to extricate himself the quicker he sinks deeper into the quicksand.  Sensing for the first time the awful seriousness of his predicament, in a fit of total irrationality he reaches down into the quicksand, takes hold of his boot straps and proceeds to pull and pull for all hes worth!  He then realizes how foolish it is to try to free himself by pulling on his own bootstraps!  His embarrassment is heightened as he remembers his extensive academic training and his remarkable ability in times past to be calm and controlled at all times.

                Finally, our friend admits that on the basis of his own ability he simply cannot free himself.   He knows he must have help from some other source and the help must be found quickly.  For the first time he becomes aware that just inches ahead, a strong branch of a tree is within reach.  (In our analogy the branch and tree represent the combined wisdom and strength of mankind.) With tremendous effort our friend inches forward and finally grasps the thick branch with both hands.  Oh, what a relief it is to him, what an assurance to have hold of something that seems so solid and so sure!  After resting for a few moments, he begins to pull himself up on the branch- it takes a great deal of effort, but the more he successfully pulls his body onto the branch, the more confidence he has that surely the branch will be the means of his salvation from the quicksand.  In fact, even before he has managed to lift himself out of the muck and mire of the quicksand there returns his familiar feelings of independence and self- confidence, even a pride that is akin to arrogance.  Finally, with one great lurch, he hears a terrifying crack and the limb snaps off, plunging him back into the quicksand.  Having expended so much energy and effort, having placed so much confidence in what he was sure was his sole source of redemption, our friend is intellectually, emotionally and physically wiped out – he continues to struggle, but he now knows in a way he has never known before that his predicament is totally and completely hopeless.  There is no way on the basis of his own strength or the strength of the combined wisdom of men that he can be freed from imminent death.

                As he sinks deeper into the quicksand the panorama of his entire life passes before him.  Things which had once seemed so important now seem so puerile or childish.  His lifelong ambition to be acknowledged as unusually bright and the most successful in his profession, to own the finest home and the most expensive car – all of these ambitions fade into utter insignificance.  He begins to realize that his relationships with others, especially with his family, are of utmost and supreme importance.  He is utterly desolated with the clear realization that he has allowed his appetites to be abused and debauched by relentless unethical advertising campaigns that artificially stimulate men’s appetites.  He begins to sense the eternal verity of God and Christ and the hereafter.  He is very uneasy about the prospect of death, for he is only now appreciating the significance of life and oh, how he wants to live!  The hills in the distance, the trees, the sky, the sun – all things seem to take on a greater beauty and significance.  During what appear to be the final moments of his life there arises from deep within his changed heart an indescribable confidence that somehow there is a divine purpose in life; that through the intervention of a higher supreme power he can find deliverance from death.

                The sand has covered his shoulders and is gradually oozing up his neck.  He is reaching, still reaching upward, hoping against hope that somehow, something will happen.  His face is turned upward that he might breathe as long as possible, when much to his astonishment, there appear an arm and a hand extending toward him – an arm and a hand actually within reach!

                He recognized immediately that the arm and the hand are powerful.  Because of his predicament, our friend doesn’t rationalize for a moment.  He doesn’t intellectualize how an arm and a hand can be hanging from mid-air! He simply realizes that if there is any hope for redemption it will be in that hand and arm.  He reaches upward and clasps the extended hand.  As soon as he does he feels a kind of power like hes never felt before.  He feels a power coming into his hand and whole being that generates a confidence, a trust, a faith, a perfect assurance that in this new power he can and will be freed from his predicament.  He hangs on with all the strength and determination he can muster.  He feels himself being lifted out of the mire – oh, what a struggle!  Having waited so long to acknowledge his incapability’s, having waited because of a proud heart, he now knows that the process and experience of becoming freed will not only require a supernatural power, but it will require all the courage and strength he can rally to hold on to the extended hand.

                As he struggles to hold on he feels his hand slipping, not because of a lack of power in the other hand, but because of a lack of strength in his own.   Try as hard as he can, he isint able to hold on, his hand slips out, and he falls back into the quicksand.  But (and this is a great message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ), our friend quickly looks up to where the hand was and the hand is still there!  He quickly takes hold again.  The struggle again ensues, and in time, using all the persistence, determination, strength and faith he can muster, he is able to avail himself fully of the means of redemption that is afforded him.  Ultimately, he is raised out of the quicksand that almost became his tomb, and placed on solid rock.

                He soon realizes that he was not only delivered from the awful possibility of death but he is a different person.  He is clean from the effects of the swamp water, mud and sand.  As the full realization of his deliverance and the tremendous change that has come over him sinks into his heart, he falls upon his knees and with profound expression of gratitude he acknowledges that it was a power greater than any and all other powers on earth that enabled him to be delivered – oh, the expression of joy; the ecstasy that fills his being as he contemplates the loving kindness and tender goodness of his God and his Redeemer!  The psalmist wrote, “He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of mire clay and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.” (Psalms 40:2).

                We are, then, totally dependent upon the Lord to be reclaimed from our fallen condition.  All the combined wisdom and learning of man cannot change our nature and free us from our predicament.  Rather than simply stressing self-sufficiency in Christ.  We need to reach with all the energy we possess to make contact with the Lord, but it is his power that changes our lives.”

               

                I don’t know where I am in this analogy.  I think I am stuck in the mud.  I realize that I have trusted my own merits/wisdom or even other people and their ‘testimony’ or ‘experiences’.  I’ve sought the nice things, the big house, nice clothes, big tv etc.  These things mean much less to me now.   I don’t know that I have connected with God entirely yet, but I do know that I need to, and I have the desire to.  I hope Ill soon figure out how to hear and listen to his still small voice.  For people who have figured it out, Ive read its like this “Ah ha” moment in which it all clicks, and they realize how easy it is, or how it was always there.  I still pray and sometimes feel there is a brick wall between Him and me.  I still at times have a hard time not picturing Him on some throne on some planet far far away across space and time, and that my one prayer is inaudible by the time it reaches Him, and is one of billions, and He only has time to answer the ones from His most loved ones. (And I assume I am not one of these...)  In reality though, I know He is probably closer than I think .  Closer than I give Him credit for.  He is probably right behind me, whispering to me, and my own unbelief or self-sufficient attitude, or pride and arrogance is keeping me from hearing his voice, or at least acknowledging it as His voice and not my own good nature or ideas.  

At least I know I can, and will figure it out.  I am finally learning how to break down the wall, and see past the illusion of a distant, unsympathetic Father.  I know He is there and knows and loves me.   Maybe I first need to learn to know, and love myself as He does.  I will continue onward in Faith and look forward with hope for that perfect day, in which my belief may turn into a knowledge, and I can connect with him.